Jokes 4 all

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.

Two men were overheard in line at the local coffee establishment bragging about how much control they had over their wives. A third man was listening but remained quiet. After a while, the two men turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you? Does your wife know who's boss in your family?
The third fellow smiled and said, "Ill tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her knees."
The first two whistled in amazement. "What happened? How can she kneel down before you?" They asked.
"Well," the third replied, "she had to do that since she needed to yell at me, 'Get out from the bed and fight like a man!"

Nice joke.......cool!

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

lol. not too bad.

One little punctuation mark would have made a world of difference in the gigantic sign Alex saw posted outside a local family restaurnt:"Kids under 12 eat free live clown every wednesday."

Q: What do u call a woman with a corkscrew behind her ear, a nail file under her arm, a knife in one hand and a bottle opener in the other?

A: Swiss army wife.


Q: Why don't skeletons date?

A: They don't have any body to go out with.

MWAHAHAHA...
lolz... Jokeless but still cool jokes out there.